i had to buy a chocolate bar today when i was at work and i feel deeply wronged by it.
november 1st is supposed to mark the beginning of the golden age of office candy, it begins when my co-workers bring their extra halloween candy in to work, the stuff they weren't able to hand out to trick or treaters on halloween night. if past years are any guide, just as the extra halloween candy starts to run out, the health conscious office manager--the one who don't let her kids eat their entire haul from halloween night--will skim off some candy from their bags and donate it to the office pool. the office candy coffers are thus replenished and can last until the end of november, just as the first chocolate christmas gift baskets from our clients start arriving. that carries us through new years day. but in early january the candy stream inevitably falters, thus marking the beginning of the candyless complain-about-the-weather season.
i like seasons. i'm glad i live in a climate (and office) with clear seasonal changes. right now is supposed to be the beginning of the glorious two month candy season. yesterday the first trickles of candy entered the office. only one person bothered to bring in their leftover halloween candy. it seemed a little light compared to prior years, but i didn't dispair. surely others will notice the shortage and will remember to bring in their own halloween leftovers the next day.
but the next day is today, and it looks like they didn't remember. i was horrified to see empty bowls on the secretaries' desks when i entered this morning. yesterday's meager supply is already exhausted and the calvary is no where in sight.
by an reasonable measure we should be awash in chocolate right now. that's how it's always been. but something is wrong. the calendar says early november but the seasonal chocolate is missing. maybe this is the climate change we've all been hearing about.
technically speaking, i could do something about the problem. mrs. noz and i have a stash of leftover halloween candy of our own, squirreled away in the dark recesses of the noz mansion. i considered bringing some in, i even did a comprehensive study of the issue. but my study revealed that if i bring candy in to my office someone else other than me might eat it. it was a startling discovery, sending shockwaves throughout the scientific community. i simply cannot in good conscience do that to myself or society.
so instead i am forced to rely on non-existent kindness of others. others who are so greedy and selfish they will not let me eat their candy at work. my only hope is that the office manager will hear my cries and steal candy from her children a little early this year. unless that happens soon, i don't know what i will do to survive.
