Thursday, May 21, 2015

I like my coffee like I like my nights: dark, endless, and impossible to sleep through

Hurray, it's cold turkey day!!! Long-time blog readers, or even relatively short-time readers may recall that every year, for no good reason (or maybe several so-so reasons) I decide to torture myself by swearing off caffeine for a solid month.

Don't believe that I am actually sadistic enough to do this to myself every fucking year? Read the archives dude!!! Like: this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this and this,  and most recently this.  Yeah, okay, there is no link for 2010, because Kazakhstan.

Anyway, today is the day, even though originally tomorrow is supposed to be the day. But then I decided that this solid month would be a little less substantial than usual. Indeed, it will be insubstantial on May 26, 2015, when I will still be mostly off caffeine but I will be allowed to eat chocolate for that one day only in the midst of an otherwise solid month. That decision meant I had to back up the no-caffeine start date to start one day earlier, meaning today, because later I would subtract out a day, meaning May 26. Therefore, assuming I did the math right, one solid month minus one day, plus one day, should still equal a solid month, asterisk. (the asterisk being a footnote that the solid month is not solid in the sense of being continuous even though it would have all the days with an insubstantial ghost day hovering there on May 26).

Back to today (in truth we never left. That day always travels with us), today I go cold turkey off of caffeine. That means no coffee (not even decaf coffee because it has a little bit), no tea, no chocolate, none of those fizzy caffeinated drinks that I don't drink very often anyway, nary a single chocolate chip or chocolate flavored anything for fear that there may be a molecule of caffeine in there somewhere for a solid month asterisk, ending the morning of June 22, 2015. It has only been a few hours and I already can't wait.